Family comes first

Lately, I often see married people with their children, and I think they look so peace…. Hmm..selama ini gw hampir gak pernah kepikiran yang namanya nikah.. but when I saw some of my friends yang udah berkeluarga, dengan anak2 mereka yang lucu-lucu, adorable, cute, and so weak, I don’t know, I think I should get married..hueheheh. Seorang teman pernah gw tanya, hal apa yang paling membahagiakan dalam hidupnya, dia bilang pada saat dia punya anak… kebahagiaannya melebihi waktu dia married. Teman yang lain juga pernah bilang, punya anak adalah harta yang paling berharga…. Eventhough dia udah bisa mencapai impiannya, ternyata kebahagiaan punya anak tak terlukiskan. Lalu, ada tetangga yang hidupnya begitu pas-pasan, tapi, setiap sore gw selalu lihat binar kebahagiannya saat dia bermain sama anaknya. Abang gw juga banyak berubah setelah punya anak, dan dia bilang, kebahagiaannya adalah ketika punya anak, kalo istri or temen bisa dicari lagi, tapi anak, sungguh anugerah yang tak terkatakan.

Gw dulu mikir menikah itu mungkin rumit, apalagi punya anak, pasti repot, tetapi teman2 gw yang sudah menikah dan mempunyai anak, walopun kurang tidur or kurang istirahat, they looked peace… more happier than para lajang yang kehidupannya lebih dari cukup. Emang, kalo udah nikah and punya anak, pasti waktu tidur berkurang, itu kata temen gw, pada saat denger itu, pasti ada sedikit ketakutan kebebasan kita akan berkurang. Tapi, begitu mereka menjalani kehidupan rumah tangga, gak ada lagi kekhawatiran kurang tidur, kecapean, kurang istirahat, or gak sebebas waktu lajang, coz they only think how to make their children or their spouse happy. Bener-bener belajar untuk gak egois.

Gw jadi inget perkataan Morrie dalam bukunya Tuesday with Morrie, ketika ditanya apa kebahagiaannya having family and children, dia simply said, “there is no experience like having children. That’s all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.” That is absolutely true. It’s about having more responsibility. I ask myself again, what makes me think not to get married… and I got the answer, I was afraid having more responsibility, and that’s why God knows, He doesn’t give me that responsibility yet. And I think it’s not only about responsibility, it’s about feeling settle in our comfort zone, and if we feel enough with everything we have now especially in material thingy, we feel secure, finally we don’t want to ruin it with married and it’s problems. I feel like I’m a coward. I’m too afraid to start new life, and this new life could make me happier, more values, and more colorful, but I only think the negatives about marriage.

Now, I realize that I was so arrogant that I didn’t need love, caring from other person, in fact the older we get, the more lonely we feel if we don’t get love from our other half, especially unconditional love, like the way our parents love us. Yes, we can get unconditional love from family. Ketika kita semakin renta, and gak berdaya, gak ada yang mengikat kita, selain keluarga. Even di hadits dikatakan, kita bisa menjadi pintu surga buat anak kita. So, the fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground upon which people may stand today if it isn’t the family.. Sure, people would come visit, friends, associates, but it’s not the same as having someone who will not leave. It’s not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you, is watching you the whole time…. (Tuesdays with Morrie). And that someone could be our children, wife or husband..family.